20100101-1000

Was just listening to KPCC (NPR) in the car on the way to the coffee shop in Tustin. Think I may have stumbled upon the emotional obstacle with Iraq. This radio show was describing a group that works with youth in bad situations. One girl described a gang rape she endured. A young man, when she finished, said that he had once been involved in a sexual assault (as the perp) and said that he just needed to apologize. He was just so sorry she was put through that, that nobody should ever be put through that, and that he was sorry.

Then it cut off.

What I realized was the power of substitutionary foregiveness, kind of a restitution by proxy.

At Winter Soldier, my hang up was that cameras make for an inadequate proxy. Hell, it was being aired to Americans any way, who the hell would we be apologizing to? This mysterious draw to Irq surely holds the potential for emotive restitution; I will be talking/listening to PEOPLE finally. Iraqi citizens, nothing less than the people my country so forcefully violated.

It was helpful to interact with things like WS:IA and people like Sumia, but ultimately, I was still hovering within an American sphere.

I need to get the fuck out of there for a bit to allow my mind and soul the opportunity to finally get an honest appraisal of their state of being.