20100107-1310

Left this journal at dad’s place the other day, so I had to head up the mountain to get it today. On the way, I listened to NPR’s “The Story with Dick Gordon”, about [Ahmed Fadaam,] an Iraqi artist-turned-interpreter who struggled with the eventual decision to leave the town of his birth. Fucking sending my heart through a rusty paper shredder. Maybe I deserve it. Maybe I need it.

Last night I watched the documentary Waltz With Bashir. It follows the film’s director in his quest to recover memories from his combat experience in Lebanon in the [Israeli Defense Forces]. The same emotions of uncertainty and fear ran through both.

The only thing it did not share was their practical positions in the conflict. One was on the side of the military, one was a civilian. Both were armed. While it may be assumed that one bears a greater burden of guilt, I would not share that opinion. Both were pawns; one was being actively manipulated, another was merely an extra piece on the board getting in the way. Both were kind of in the wrong place at the wrong time, victims of circumstance. Maybe the same could be said of me. But maybe not.