20100117-2140

Laying in bed motionless for over an hour. Trying to clear my head. It slowed my thoughts down but hasn’t made anything clearer or easier to swallow. Maybe coming here was a mistake in timing or something. All I can really think of is that everything I have heard is just so worn and wearied. Am I to be excluded from peacemaking on account of the very background so many seem to think strengthens my relevance? Or is this trip a failure of trust, a failure to stand up to fear? Cliff and Peggy seemed to grasp both the risk and the potential, but are they the exception to the rule? So far journaling isn’t doing shit to help me process all this.