20100202-2300

It’s been over a week since I last wrote a journal. I think I did an audio entry though. Anyway, school has been very distracting. The [Truth Commission on Conscience in War] conference has had the same effect. I did not want to go to Crossroads for the 24th, instead taking a day off. It helped. I also talked to Kyle [Caldwell] and Zach [Cornelius] about my experience, as well as a few random friends. Processing has been really slow, which may be just fine.

It is Tuesday now. I have an Arabic quiz tomorrow (the second week of the semester? really?). Thought I should journal before I totally lose myself in classes.

Last Sunday was my first back at Crossroads. I had expected to talk to [Pastor] Dave [Sandberg] one-on-one before...

...my adult education session, but I ended up just jumping into the talk. We ended up with maybe twenty folks. I gave a brief description (30 minutes) of the day-to-day events before taking questions. Some were really platonic, but Liz asked a really engaging one. I thought about not answering it. She wondered about my thoughts on the trip in light of my combat experience.

I didn’t expect to open up too much in such a public gathering. But then I remembered that they had funded my whole trip. Also, many of those there were close enough friends to have deserved honesty. I told them about my dissatisfaction, my frustration with some of the decisions made. I explained why I...

...still had not told Sami [Rasouli] or Greg [Barrett] how I felt. They listened and fed me their reflections. I told them about the nonstop rain from the Iraq/Jordan border until the day of my flight back to Hawaii (including the flooding at [Los Angeles and Jordan]). Clara [Burrows] gracefully described the Hawaiian belief that rain brings new life, rebirth. I remembered the Hebraic rejoice in rain because it fed crops and filled wells. No rain means no life. Rain means hope. It was a good message.

Later in church, we had just an unbelievably moving service, following the cowardice of our politicians. Kaleo [Gagne] shared some heartbreaking testimony and many of us cried. Together. We went out for lunch later and the pain washed away.