Mike Stavlund, friend and pastor

April 18, 2007Mike;I don't know how to start this, it has been awhile since I got theopportunity to catch up with you. Your hospitality and endlessefforts to ensure Tracey's and my own comfort while we were at thePeace Witness was flabbergasting. Pete and Jackie were unbelievablyaccommodating. I say unbelievingly because in our western,individualistic culture, I really do not expect so much generositysometimes. It was a warmth I had not felt since I was in Iraq andPalestine.What I have to share with you (as in must share, not merely offer)may be painful. It might stir in you the same emotions that you feltin the grocery store with Eleanor in your arms. For that, I mustapologize. However, there was something that God freakin seared ontomy heart one night at the family reunion that I totally denied Him.As I write this, I am forcing back tears for how I failed to act whenHe told me to. I wept also Friday night, remembering Will's funeralas Chris read some of the most poignant poems I have ever heard, andam afraid to repeat lest they lose their enormous significance for meand you.I think you know that I struggle with pride and selfish ambition, andthat is why I find it hard to share with you what I was asked to do.I believe in prophecy and speaking God's truth, but sometimes I amreluctant to be the tool He uses for His purposes. My fear is that Imight get too caught up in myself and forget where the credit reallybelongs. It was exactly this fear that kept me from sharing this withyou in March, when I was in the DC area, and for that I must beg yourforgiveness. Anyway, rewind a few weeks back to the family reunion.Something a friend told me not too long ago was that I have made 'thegospels real for [her] and others.' Once again, when I doubted thereality of the bible in our age and in my life, another friendreassured me that I was 'the real thing.' Little did that friend knowthat I had already been commissioned for a task that would test myvery identity. The night God spoke to me, we were in the Fellowshiphouse and I was watching you walk the Labyrinth. You shuffled slowlyin circles, a beautiful baby girl held gently in your arms. The griefyou wore for Will was visibly carried on your shoulders. A biblestory leapt into my head, one which I still have not found in my NIVstudy bible. Maybe because it is still being written. A man named Abdiel, which in Hebrew means literally 'servant of God,'struggled to have children with his wife. Having a child wasconsidered a great blessing, and it troubled the couple that they wereapproaching old age and had no children to call their own. The Lordheard their cries; though not their spoken prayers, but the desire oftheir hearts. God knew the man was a humble servant, He knew ofAbdiel's unflinching faith and obedience to His will. Like so manypatriarchs before him, Abdiel was counted righteous in God's sight.Knowing Abdiel's devotion, God chose to especially bless his servant.He would give Abdiel two children. However, in His mystery, God wouldtake one child back after only a short while. Few have been found asfaithful as Abdiel had, since the time of the Patriarchs, to be testedby the Almighty God, who gives and takes away. In testing Abdiel, asHe had Abraham and Job, God would be showing him something as well.As I had said earlier, I believe in prophecy and being used by Godeven as I doubt myself sometimes. So please forgive my hesitancy insharing this with you. God laid one word on my heart that night as Iwatched you in the candlelight in the Fellowship House, Mike. Thisone word has been given to me to give to you, a task I am confusinglycertain that God has commissioned me to complete. There has not beena time I have been so assured of God's word in my life since lastApril, when He bid me to lay down my weapon.Mike Stavlund, through your son Will, God is showing you your STRENGTH.Through incredible pain and suffering, you persevere. You neitherconceal your agony nor hide your frustration. You are bold and brokenat the same time, a beautifully divine mix I see in Job, Abraham, andDavid. This one word, strength, has coursed through my mind sincethat night, pounding from somewhere within me to be let out. Willcontinues to show you your strength and courage, even after he haspassed from your arms and returned to our Father in Heaven. Will isin His arms now, he is God's Will. God's Will is your strength. Yourstrength is in God; fearlessly, shamelessly, boldly. Mike, knowyour strength with every tear that falls from your eye, every sob thatescapes your lips, and every beat your heart skips. Know God's Will,which is your strength.Curiously, I also feel I am to share this with you alone. I have nottold anyone of what I have felt called to say to you, even Tracey. Iremember turning to her that night, through flooding eyes, that Godhad asked me to tell someone something, and that I was not to share itwith anyone. On the other hand, should you feel led to share withothers what I have said, you are welcome to pass it on. I am onlysure that I have been asked to share this with nobody but you. I seemyself only as a messenger, and an undeserving one at that. When Icomplete this email, it will be erased from my outgoing mail anddeleted from my hard drive. There is something intrinsically innocentabout your circumstances that I do not wish to disturb. Do not beconfused by my sometimes cryptic language, I merely want to preserveyour privacy should you want to digest this in solitude.I put this task off for a long time, and recently I have beenstruggling to write. My proposal is off to IVP and I am struggling towork on the 2nd chapter. Thinking biblically and critically lastnight, I wondered if there was something I was denying God. Perhapsthere has been something I have forgotten that He is waiting on beforeHe inspires me again like He used to. This morning I read your lastcouple of blogs and felt totally convicted. So there you go, Iactually have written you out of self-centric motives (I'm actuallyonly half joking, unfortunately). Whether He now clears my writersblock or not, I am glad I have finally shared with you what I havefelt so burdened to say.Mike, you and Stacey have one of the most beautiful baby girls I haveever seen. You have fathered one of the most influential babies Ihave ever known. You have every right to know that you are indeedblessed by God. I know it might yet be a considerable time before youstop grieving (maybe even never), but it will be my prayer that youcontinually know your strength in God through His Will. I do notbelieve in coincidences (…and I am beginning to think I don't believein tragedies either), I believe in God. When I pray for myself, myprayer will be that I can face tragedies as you have, with boldbrokenness and courageous sorrow, loving the Giver and Taker of allgifts and miracles through joy and sorrow, through life and death.Your brother and servant in Christ,Logan "Lucky" LaituriApril 30, 2007:Dear Logan:From the bottom of my heart, I want to thank you for this. Please don't worry about asking for any forgiveness: if you needed any from me, it would be given in a second. You haven't failed me, but have done me a great honor.At the same time, I hope you can forgive my delayed response. I've been reading and re-reading it, and thinking about it quite a lot. I was struck by the timing of this Word from God-- I didn't get the email until *after* I had read a very deeply moving and helpful book on the *weakness* of God, and had a chance to meet the author and speak to him for just a minute. Upon returning from that meeting, and with a kind of acceptance of God's limitations and my own, I was coming back to get on with life.So getting your word about *strength* right then was encouraging, but confusing. I related this to my wife, who reminded me that the strength you describe is actually weakness. Or maybe it is strength, but the strength found in the Kingdom, which is upside down from our perspective. God's power, and mine, made evident in our weakness.So if the timing felt delayed or disobedient to you, please know that it was perfect on my end. I think you have seen and spoken truth-- that my brokenness has given me strength, and my weakness has given me a stronger will. It is a palpable paradox-- I am stronger, and I am weaker, all at the same time.So feel free to share your beautifully written words with anyone you'd like, and know that my appreciation for them is difficult to express. Thank you for caring for me, and for praying for me, and for telling me what you see that God showed you. You are a pastor in the most pure sense of the word.And I sincerely hope that your writer's block has lifted, and that your book will pour out of your heart and mind. And I hope that you and Tracey have a wonderful time at her graduation. Please congratulate her for me.Your friend,Mike