20100116-2013 🔈
AI generated transcript:
It's January 16th, 2010, at 8:15 p.m. Enroute to Iraq. This evening, we met with the local sheriff and also, I think, the ambulance driver. I walked in on that one. Um, but, uh, the. Well, I mean, a lot of guys, it wasn't just the sheik, but today we heard a lot of testimony from, uh, townsfolk about, um, some of the stuff that U.S. forces have done, and, um, kind of luckily, or the, the silver lining on all that is that it seems to have calmed down this in the last year and. Two 2829 haven't even been mentioned. This is all like of five or six. Um, so after my time I guess, but uh, um, one guy that was there lost his brother. Brother or stepbrother. I can't remember. Brother in law. And um, then another guy was talking about the raids coming. Uh, one, one come. And that stuck with me was the, uh, you know, commenting about getting handcuffed and you know what? How do you think it feels? A father being handcuffed in front of our children? Uh, take a while for me to forget that one. But, um, uh, I don't know. I expected myself to have much stronger reaction. Um, and I have for some time, you know, expected something more, um, I don't know, uncontrollable. I guess.
After the sheikh left, I went upstairs to the roof and just kind of sat and thought about it, and I didn't realize it at the time, but it's the same thing I did in Hebron actually go off and just sit and think. But, um, one thing that struck me was that my experience in Palestine was really when I realized on an emotional direct level, um, what, what my actions kind of mine and my platoon and just more in general, the actions of the U.S. military had on people.
I think that experience in Palestine and, you know, coming in contact with that emotional reality, um, you know, you don't learn that twice. You only learn it once, and then it becomes something that you know. And so in my experience here, I think that's what's going on, is that I already know everything they're saying. Um, so it's not as much of a surprise, I guess.
So dinner's ready. I got to wrap this up, but, um, I think what happened in Palestine is that, you know, I only learned this once. Um, and so I don't know if it sounds callous or not. I really can't judge.
My experience in, in Palestine and, and seeing what they were saying about their raids and their experience of the IDF and my experience with the U.S. Army, you know, I think that was really that, that shocking point or that, you know, that jarring me back into, you know, whatever. Uh, and so now, I mean, it's still very painful to listen to, but it's not that, you know, abrupt. Oh, my God, what the hell have I done kind of thing? Uh, and so maybe that's a good thing. Maybe that's part of God's purpose. Um, because I can't imagine being able to contain myself here as I had there. Um, you know, I tried to imagine what it would be like to be witnessing so many stories for the first time. Um, like, for example, if Tom hadn't been kidnapped and they had, um, and they still had a team in Iraq, and if, if I had gone there first, like, I, I'd probably be suicidal. Like, these are horrible fucking stories. Um, and the worst part is that they're not at all unique and this is Rupert. It's a tiny town. Imagine what the stories would be like in Baghdad or Germany or Fallujah or Missoula or Kirkuk or Tikrit. Like, you know, I've been introduced to this to my to the reverberations of of my government and my my own, uh, you know, armed forces. I've been introduced to it, um, almost, uh, by degrees. Um, God only knows if I can ever show my face and be honest about who I am. And, you know, in some of those other cities, um, but it really has been a slow re-introduction or slow introduction, um, to, to, to something. I'm hoping that God is, is helping me become aware of and hopefully overcome and then well then made a comment after this. The, the nurse left so I went, I listened to the shake, I went up to the roof and I came back down and they were having a meeting with this, I think, as an ambulance driver. And after having listened to that, how can, how can people do this? How can people do this? I didn't say it, but it came to my mind, like, as, as horrible as it sounds like it makes me sympathize with Nazi soldiers. Like, it isn't. It isn't just the fact that they're committing these evil acts and that other soldiers of my platoon committed evil acts. But there's a system in place that makes it easier to do evil than it is to do good. It's like Dorothy Day says, and it's something I've been thinking about for a little while. Like I want to create a system in which it is not difficult to be good. And may, you know, the army may still be the army, but we need to make it so that it is easier to do the right thing. That is just as easy to do the right thing as it is the wrong thing. But I think right now especially.
