20100112-2246
Shane and Jamie arrived here today. Good to see them, it kind of gives a sense of completeness to the group. In light of this, it brings me great pain to reflect on the day’s events.
We were with Sami [Rasouli] most of the day. Good to hear his perspective and kind of get to know him. He’s a great guy, very sincere and heartelt. At some point early, Greg or I asked him about the issue of what I should disclose, or rather, if. His quick answer was No, but he didn’t really qualify it in is immediately following language. Later, Greg and I talked about it and...
After all of this, I am amazed that I am cursed far more than I am praised. [lyrics from “Silver Wings“ by Thrice]
...his impression was that it was a definite No. He went back and forth but it was kind of an abstract conversation. I don’t think I expressed myself well. Anyway, that was the first time I had the impression that anyone had such a clear understanding of what my purpose would be in Iraq. Unfortunately, I was just not expecting such clarity so late in the game.
Worse, and more painful, was at dinner. It started off great, we had an awesome chat with Laurie and Rick, they are really encouraging and delightful people. I can’t remember when I was brought into the conversation with Greg and Sami, nor how it…
...progressed the way it did. What I remember most clearly was Sami talking about soldiers. I have heard it many times before. The first gut check came with the use of the word “choice.” Then came the frank reminders of Haditha and other atrocities.
Jamie spoke up and made me wonder if that moment alone was the reason the security deposit appeared when it did. He asked Sami about healing and something about soldiers. The response was not insincere, it was actually really honest. I remember the word “resentment,” the same...
...Greg had used earlier. Both used it to describe feelings that Iraqis feel.
What hurt is the total justifiability of it all. Iraqis have every reason to feel angry. But what will this change? What redemption is possible when good men surrender to anger?
I wasn’t surprised that Iraqis are mad. What took my breath from my lungs was the fact that a Muslim Peacemaker could not bring himself to look at me, a sinner, the length of his discourse about atrocities. What peace does this bring?
The plea of the publican:
“God have mercy on me, a sinner!”
For even the pious have rejected me
I know what it is to serve Empire
